So I finally sold out and bought an iPhone. I've had it less than a week, and I really like it so far. However, there are certain things I'm not happy about which I will get to later in this post.
First of all, I want it to be known that I do not like touch screens. Other than my Garmin GPS, I don't have any other electronic device which requires a touch screen to work, and I'd like to keep it that way. I got the iPhone because I was sick of Verizon having a poor selection of phones to choose from and I wanted the ability to use my main cell phone anywhere in the world, not just within the United States. Verizon may be the biggest 3g network in the US, but once you're outside the country, it won't work for shit. Ask me how I know! And they've also discontinued their global phone rental program too, probably because that didn't work as well as they'd hoped. But my hatred of Verizon is for another post...
First Impressions
My first impressions so far is that other than porn apps, Apple is indeed right in that there's an app for just about anything you could possibly want (Doctor Who and a theme creator notwithstanding). Most are reasonably priced at 99c but some cost upwards to around $4.99. There are some, such as IM+, which cost $9.99 for the full version (ie, no ads) but I don't feel like paying that much just to be able to use MSN Messenger on my phone when I can use it all I want on my laptop for free.
The verdict right now is, I love the apps. I love the ability to surf the web wherever and whenever I want, without paying for it (hence the $30 monthly data plan). This is the first phone I've had that I am able to get access to email, internet, etc so I'm super-stoked about it. In fact, I am now more addicted to my iPhone than I am to my laptop, which is saying something! It's also the main reason I've been staying up so late (2, 3, 4, even 5am!) b/c I'm just messing around searching for apps in the apps store. Which is the main reason I'm still not over my cold yet, and it's been 2 weeks now!
Pros
The Apps
I love the Apps, love the Wi-fi, internet, maps, etc, email, stuff like that, love the ability to surf the net whenever, wherever, love the rotating feature that gives a bigger keyboard (although my C510 had that feature too and it's a few years old), love the auto-correct spell checker and capitalization, actually don't mind the touch keyboard as much as I thought I'd like.
Cons
Camera
I don't like the camera. The 3.2mp with flash one on my Sony Ericsson C510 is a whole lot better, and takes much better, more crisp and detailed pictures. The iPhone's camera is slow, cumbersome, and it's hard to get a good picture due to the size of the iPhone itself--in other words, your pics end up blurry b/c you can't hold the iPhone steady enough to get anything half-decent to turn out.
Phone Function
I also am not impressed with the actual phone itself. For instance, my boyfriend, who lives in England, called me on it twice and he said that my voice sounded tinny, it kept cutting out every other word I said, so he couldn't hear me clearly, and it also sounded muffled. This was when I was talking in a variety of places: in my bed, in my car, and in my local supermarket. How very odd! He said the reception on my Verizon MotoRizr was much better and clearer than the iPhone.
And that is a major gripe in my book.
I also am not happy with the placement of the earpiece when the other person is talking. I have to hold the iPhone in a very particular place against my ear or else I won't hear them or it will be very low. I tried to adjust the speaker volume, but this did not fix the issue. With my Verizon phone, I guess the earpiece is bigger or something b/c I don't have to move it around to find the right or best spot for it when talking on it.
Battery Life
I guess I shouldn't complain too much about the battery life, but I am upgrading from a phone whose battery needed charging every day, sometimes more than once a day even, as it was 2 years old. I was hoping to get a phone that needed charging maybe every 3-5 days or even once a week. My other phones have been that good. But not the iPhone. I have to charge it every night, and I'm not even using it as a phone!
I guess the data (web surfing, etc) drains the battery by quite a bit, but I have all the settings turned off that should save the battery, or at least make it last a bit longer, such as the push notifications, email check set to manual, screen brightness lowered to 50% from the first time it was ever set up at the Apple store.
Lately it's lasted about 1.5 to 2 days the last few days, but that's only b/c I haven't used it that much, at least not as much as when I first got it.
They need to come up with a clever name for it like they have for the Blackberry aka the Crackberry.
I will say that using the phone (talking on it) doesn't drain the battery as much as some people have reported. I've done a lot of reading up online (another reason for my recent late bedtimes) and people are complaining that talking on it uses more battery than the apps, but I talked for a good hour and my battery was still at 22% when I was done, which I thought was pretty good.
Conclusion
I haven't cancelled my Verizon service yet because I want to wait and see how I like the phone and how well it functions as a phone. I also want to compare the signal coverage between the 2 networks and see if there is much of a difference.
Another setback is the whole no-untethered-JB-and-unlock issue with the latest 5.11.07 and 3.1.2 firmware on the 3GS, which fixes a vulnerability in the software to exploit it and add 3rd party apps, etc.
I want to JB and unlock my iPhone b/c I want to be able to use it in England and Europe with a Vodafone sim and not have to worry about expensive roaming charges. However, from the extensive online research I've been doing, there is no way to unlock or JB it successfully without having to connect it to my laptop and run blackra1n everytime I turn it on or let the battery die. This is unacceptable to me, so for now, I will simply leave it alone and wait until GeoHot or the Dev team comes out with a fix or workaround for this latest Apple firmware issue.
Anyway, that's about it right now. I will update this if and when needed as I've owned the phone longer.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
New Song
I'm laying in bed
Staring at the ceiling.
My mind's filled with dread,
I can't escape this feeling.
That everything that was
once so perfect
is about to go so very, very wrong.
And no matter what I do
I can't fix the pain I've caused to you.
Staring at the ceiling.
My mind's filled with dread,
I can't escape this feeling.
That everything that was
once so perfect
is about to go so very, very wrong.
And no matter what I do
I can't fix the pain I've caused to you.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
My reply to Jay Hovdey's latest blog
This is my reply to Jay Hovdey's latest blog, which can be read here: http://hovdeyblog.drf.com/hovdeyblog/2009/09/shaken-and-stirred.html
Much as it pains me to disagree with you, Jay, I feel that Bernard has hit the nail squarely on the head.
Bettors or not, I feel that it is ridiculous to criticise the celebratory handshakes or high-fives between jockeys, regardless of who they ride for. It's just common sense and good sportsmanship. You see it in other professional sports, so why not horse racing?
And as for the bettors who complain because they've lost a substantial amount of money--tough luck. It's not the jocks' fault if you lost. Grow up or at least grow a pair, and have some respect for those men and women who put their lives on the line every day.
Posted by: Katie on September 17, 2009 at 02:58 AM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Old fortunes from fortune cookies
While cleaning my room, I found several fortunes from old fortune cookies I've collected over the years.
So I've decided to type them up here.
And on a slightly different note, I found this verse from Scripture while cleaning my room. It was cut out on a small, thin piece of cardboard, and reads simply:
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." -Proverbs 3:3
So I've decided to type them up here.
- Courage and optimism are your best traits.
- Explore the backroads to the north with a new friend.
- Your principles mean more to you than any money or success.
- The sky's the limit this month
- You will meet someone special at your friend's b-day party.
- The current year will bring you much happiness.
- All your hard work will soon pay off.
- Good news will come to you from far away.
- Your present plans are going to succeed.
- You will be showered with good luck.
And on a slightly different note, I found this verse from Scripture while cleaning my room. It was cut out on a small, thin piece of cardboard, and reads simply:
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." -Proverbs 3:3
Monday, September 14, 2009
Weird dream
Monday, March 03, 2008
 | Current mood:  artistic Category: Dreams and the Supernatural Right so I had these really interesting dreams the last 2 nights. The first cool one was on Sat night, when I dreamed that I had finally gotten my Sirius satelite radio hooked up in my car and had a new cradle-thingy for it, and had parked my Jeep at my old high school, when some asshat broke the front passenger-side window and stolen the Sirius unit right out of the car! However, instead of the window glass all breaking and falling down, there was a small hole in the glass but the rest of the glass was still there. I mean, it was cracked in a million tiny pieces like it's supposed to, but it hadn't fallen off the door yet, which I found odd. So I went to the principal and told him what had happened and he offered to make it up to me by buying me anything I wanted for my car that was cost around the same amount as the Sirius. So I agreed and was going to get a SYE for my Jeep as I've been told I should get one, and was all excited that it would be free for me, as I wouldn't have to pay a cent, but the only car shop the principal would go to was this one small place and they didn't have any SYEs in stock so I would have to order one, which I wasn't too happy about. So that one ended and then the one I had on Sunday (last night) was a neat one where I was in a Torchwood episode or something, at least I was a character on Torchwood, and Capt. Jack Harkness had to keep rescuing me from harrowing situations. It was really neat. I was upset when I woke up...and realised it was Monday morning....ewww! |
bored...
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
| Current mood:  bored Category: Life gawd i'm bored as fuck and really want to go to v fest this summer...and really don't want to do the work i'm sposed to be doing at the library...it's hard and i have a huge project due 2mroo and i haven't the slightest idea how to do any of it, it's using photoshop which i'm crap at even tho it fascinates me... all i wanna do is lay in my bed n listen to good ol' virgin radio or just some good tunes...i was in such a deep sleep last nite that wen i woke up this morning i didn't know what day it was...i was hoping maybe it was friday or saturday but was disheartened to find out it was only wednesday, and i hadn't done my assignment that was due today in class... anyway someone come cheer me up. i've got a new msn addy: honourarybrit@hotmail.com so add me up! cheers you lot! xx Katie ^^who wishes she was british...*sigh* |
Instant Messenger
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
| Current mood:  apathetic Category: Music Instant Messenger Lyrics I came across this song online and really liked it so here are the lyrics b/c I think they’re how I feel right now...in a strange way that is hard to explain... It’s gonna be ok My eyes are gonna strained |
Thoughts from Vienna
Friday, May 16, 2008
| Current mood: artistic Category: Travel and Places We arrived in Vienna Wednesday afternoon and had a look around and stuff. Luckily our hotel is really close to the main road for shopping and eating, which means that I shouldnät get lost (tho dont hold ur breath!) I went shopping later that day and again yesterday without getting lost (write that down on yer calendar!!) I went shopping at H&M yesterday with Corban and a few other girls from my class, which was fun. I got a pair of white and black cotton shorts cos its been really hot here. Its especially hot in the sun, but in the shade itäs a lot cooler and breezy. I found a store I really like it's called Pimkie and they have cute shirts and pants. I bought 2 pairs of black jean type pants and a yellow shirt that has a smilie face on it and says Dont Worry on the front and Be Happy on the back. Bought a pair of flip flops from H&M cos I have a blister the size of fucking Texas on the side of my big toe that only keeps growing. We went to the Schonburg Palace today and I about blew away in the wind! There were gusts of it quite strong that would come up, something I found odd since its a huge palace, youd think it would block the wind. Last night we all went as a group (well, minus a few ppl) to some wine gardens and I got quite drunk. So drunk that when my purse fell over off the table in my room, it took me 5 mins to figure out what had just happened! Also, I tried to listen to Two Months Off by Underworld on the U-bahn, but that did not work so well. I had to turn it off cos I thought it was making me sick. I found a EMI record store right down the road from our hotel (The Hotel Wandl) and got some CDs, only to realise later that I way overpaid for them. Oh well. I got Wir Sind Helden's 2 CDs Die Reklamation and Von Heir An Blind, which are impossible to find in the States or Ebay. I also got a few other CDs that I knew I wouldnt be able to find at Manifest. I have been getting up so early on this trip it is amazing. I guess my biological clock is off somewhere, because I keep waking up around 5am, or ealier, and having a hard time getting back to sleep. And even in this hotel, which has a centrally located window rather than a window onto the street, I woke up this morning at 4 something, and decided to read around 5 am (I was also starving). My roommate was sacked out so I didnät want to be loud. I ended up getting up around 6 or something, and went for a walk around town. I know there is a Starbucks close to our hotel, but I havent been able to find it yet. I also wanted something from McDonald's for breakfast cos I'm getting tired of the hotel food. Not that there's anything wrong with it, you understand, I just wanted something with egg and bacon and cheese in it so I got an Egg McMuffin cos I didnät know how to ask for a McGriddle or even if they had that. The McDonalds over here are really nice and modern-looking. The one I was at this morning had 3 storeys and modern lights and stuff. Also, there was hardly anyone there at quarter to 8am, something that blew my mind, since in the US there would have been a huge line that time of the moning at Mickey D's. Tomorrow is our last day here, we leave for Salzburg on Sunday moning. I have to admit, even tho I am having a great time (read: Prague) I am kind of ready to go home, and its not just cos Chris will be there. I am getting sick of the people I am with, there are 2 really rude girls, one of which I'm rooming with, and I kept thinking of wanting to hit one of them over the head with a blunt object last night on the bus. If I had been smoking, I would have made sure to blow plenty of smoke in her face. Sadly tho, I wasn't. My roommate seems to be nicer to me now, even tho I still hate her for what she said to me when we got in the room. She was flicking thru the channels on the TV and stopped on a soccer match, and when I got excited, she goes, Oh we're not watching that. I was like omg what a bitch! So while she was unpacking all her shit, I turned it back on cos it was a Euro 2008 semi-final match between Bayern München and someone else, who beat BM 4-0. I was gutted. BM is the only Deutschland team I like or really pay any attention to. Well I cant think of much more to write right now, but amazingly no one is waiting on the hotel computer. I feel like I have written a missive! lol Hmm I know there was something else I wanted to say, but of course I can't remember what it was. Well Erika, Corban and Shane have nicknamed me "Wild Thing" because of my wild antics that night in Prague. Fun times, fun times indeed! I miss that Aussie guy, Mark Malone. Sounds like a proper mafia gangster haha. He's not bad on the eyes either, and a very good kisser. Well I'm going to my room to eat and get a shower and stuff. I am so glad its only 1 pm over here. I feel like I have made such good use of my time while I have been here! Oh and as Im writing this, horses and carriages are going past the window in front of me. Pretty cool, eh? And the landmark I use to locate the hotel is the black Porsche 911 Turbo S parked across the street. I have seen more Porsches and BMWs here than in either Prague or Budapest, probably because it is such a rich and posh area. I have seen a few automatic 911s too, something I am quite proud of. I saw my first BMW 1 series this morning on my walk around Stephansplatz, the square and shopping district outside St Stephan's cathedral, which is a stone's throw from our hotel. Wished I had my camera. Ah well. I'll go now. It is nice and sunny out now, with a high of 71 today. I need to soak up all the sun I can cos it's supposed to rain for the remainder of our trip, both in Salzburg and Münich, something I am not looking forward to (the weather, not the city; I can't wait for Munich, as I have heard it has great night life.) Also I saw today on the U-bahn that there is a Punk exhibit around here in Wien (Vienna) not too far from our hotel. It opened today and will be here until Sept. Its got lots of Vivienne Westwood and Seditionaries stuff I think--there is a pic of Catwoman on the flyer. I really want to try to go to that. Also there is a King Tut exhibit somewhere in the city that looks really neat as well. I hope I can make it to at least one of them. Probably not tho as I dont know of anyone who would want to go with me.
|
well
Thursday, May 22, 2008
| I had an entire entry typed out on here for Munich, but the fucking computer lost it 4 some reason. It only took me over a fucking hour to type it out as well. Fuckin cunt piece of shit computer! Actually I think what happened was because it puts me on the Deutschland MySpace page, where all the writing is in fucking German, I accidentally clicked the cancel button when I meant to push the preview and post button. Fuck. I lost it all. And Im not about to retype the whole goddamn thing. Oh well. |
Greetings from München (take 2)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
| Category: Life Well thank fuck this time the website is in ENGLISH!! So I can actually know exactly which buttons to push! So today I found a store down the road that sells real, authentic football shirts, which I was ecstatic about. Actually that made the trip all worthwhile to me. I was able to find a Celtic shirt, an Aston Villa shirt, and a Man Utd shirt, all from this latest season, in my size. It was so cool how I could try them on there in the store before I bought them, to make sure they fit. I now have determined that a 152cm or 30/32" chest is the size I need. I was lucky to find a Man Utd one in my size, given that they just won the UEFA Champions League 4 days ago, beating Chelsea in a nail-biting thriller of a game. The place had shirt printing too, and so I got Hargreaves 4 printed on the shirt in the official PL font. However, the guy didnt line up the number with the white line on the back of the shirt, and he put it a bit low, so its to the left of the bottom white line, something Im not really happy about, but given what I paid for the shirt ($115 total including the printing) Im not complaining! Its actually ironic that the only player they had was Hargreaves because when I was watching the CL final, I was thinking of getting Hargreaves on the back of the shirt I got, just for something different, rather than the big names like Ronaldo, Rooney, etc. I think it is sooo cool that I can walk into a store, find several football shirts in my size, try them .. I get them (I cant think of how many shirts Ive bought off ebay that have turned out to be too big, and a few too small). Well I just found out that they sell Nutella at my local Harris Teeter--sweeet! Im gonna get some before I go to bed 2moro nite. Ive become obsessed with it since Ive never heard of it before this trip. Erika turned me onto it and Ive never looked back haha! Back to the topic--the weather has been crappy most of the time here with the exception of today, when the sun came out and it got quite warm. The nude sunbathers came out to the English Gardens, where I went today with Steve and Mary Cox. We got an ice cream and they talked to a lady with a Jack Russell. We did a shitload of walking tho. We also saw some surfers. I was able to replace the CDs I lost when I was in Vienna, thankfully. Actually, the CD place I found here, Saturn, the prices were cheaper than they had been elsewhere. I was kinda upset that I didnt just wait till I got here to buy the CDs. I got too many really. Got about 15 I think, all told. God. Im gonna get it when I get home and my parents see what kind of damage I have done to their credit card. Theyll never let me use it again after this trip! Various people on our trip have come down with various bugs. Dr Cox..s wife has some sort of cold that I might have given to her, and my roommate Lisa woke me up at 5am with her coughing and sounding bad. She didnt join us on our activity this morning, which Im kind of glad because the less time I can be around anyone w..ho..s sick, the better. I seem to be over whatever I had, and I hope that the antibiotic Ive been taking will help keep me from catching anything else, especially on the plane. Its very unusual for me to not pick something up from a plane trip, but this time I didnt get anything till about halfway thru the trip, and for 2 days (Mon and Tues) I felt really bad. I started the antibiotic on Tues evening so hopefully by the time I finish it next Fri I will be safeguarded from anything including what might go around on the plane flight tomorrow. |
My New Year Adventure...or the time I tried to sneak by my folks with 3 drinks...
First posted Wed 05 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  tiredThis happened to me on New Years Eve, obviously, seeing as its titled My New Year Adventure, lol... Anyways, this was the first New Year's Eve that I was 21, officially able to drink legally in the USA, THANK GOD!! So I decided that I was going to usher in the News Year in style, aka, with a bottle (or 2 or 3!) of my favourite drink, Smirnoff's Twisted Raspberry. (I have a sweet tooth). So I went out to the fridge in the garage, found my 6-pack, and proceeded to take 3 up the back stairs to the computer... Anyways, en route to the computer room, I happened upon my dad, who took one look at the 3 cold bottles in my hands and asked me what I was doing with those. I told him that I was planning to drink them. He thought (for some reason) that I was taking them to my 12 year old brother and his friend, who was spending the night, which, of course, I wasn't. But anyways, he made me take them back downstairs and put them away, he told me I wasn't going to get drunk on New Years in their house, so I informed him that this was the last time I was going to spend New Years with them, which looking back on it now, was not the smartest thing to say, but then I tend to say not the smartest things when I'm upset... So, then he said he didn't mind if I had one, but by then the whole mood had been ruined, I didn't have anything else to drink (altho I may have gotten one later that night, I can't remember) except for the 2 Rum n Cokes I had at the restaurant we went to for dinner...they were nice...mmmmmm I was happy for the first time after having consumed alcohol...sweeeet! So that's my story, hope it didn't bore you too much, lol... |
About my fish
First posted Saturday 08 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  contemplativeGreetings all! This is a short story about my two Betta fish, Sushi and Samurai. Sushi is purple in colour and Samurai is multi-colour, blue, purple, and turquoise. They are apparently very smart fish, but you have to separate the males or else they'll fight, hence the reason they are also known as Japanese Fighting Fish. I got them at Wal Mart over a year ago, they were my first "pets" in college. They stayed with me till winter break of last year, when I took them home with me, and they became my mom's responsibility, lol. Finally she told me that she was tired of taking care of them and that since they were technically my fish, I should be taking care of them, so back they went with me when I returned to school last weekend. And something I've noticed about them is that whenever they're hungry, they'll tap on the side of the plastic container they're in, something I think is rather clever, especially for a fish! They're pretty cool, they're not hard to take care of, u just gotta clean out the bowl like once a week, or whenever I get around to it, which is not always once a week, ha ha. Also, they are very hardy fish, I once went a week without feeding them cos I was lazy, and they still lived! The only thing that is likely to kill them is if you put water that's too cold in their bowl, they're a tropical fish, like, and they like cool to room-temperature water. I did that once, when I was refilling their bowl, and it nearly killed them. I went berserk cos I thought I had killed them! Then I realised what I did and fixed the problem. Other than that, they're pretty cool. Well that's my little story about my fish. Hope u enjoyed it and I didn't bore the pants off you, ha ha! |
Why Love Hurts
First posted on Monday 10 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  depressedOK my love life has never been much to write home about, mainly cos i've run into the problem every time where the guy that I fancy doesn't feel the same way about me. For instance, I had a huge crush on a guy that I went to school with, but I didn't want to say anything for fear that he would think badly of me, or else wouldn't like me and it would make it awkward to talk to him. So I never said anything to him, even tho I still have a small crush on him, and I've been going to school with him for like 7 years...in fact, he goes to the same college as me, but alas he's got a g/f and I don't think he's gonna dump her to go out with me, even if he knew how I felt about him. Then there are the guys I've met online. OK, so we haven't met in real life (yet) but there are a select few that I happen to fancy. But of course, I just keep getting the same "I love you as a friend, not a lover" over and over again, which just irritates the hell out of me, I mean come on! Why not? What's so wrong with me that you don't want to go out with me?! Am I really that bad?? So I expect I will be lonely, depressed, and broken hearted for the rest of my life until one of the guys that I fancy agrees to go out with me, as daft and sad as that may sound.... Oh well, I've never known how to be happy in life anyway, why start now? |
Random Remarks
First posted on Tues 18 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  accomplishedMy hands smell like kerosene...I think webcams are boring. If I'm talking to someone online, why the fuck do I need to see and/or hear them?...Jacques Chirac is a fucking cunt who smokes crack...ha ha...My fish are hungry...Once again, I'm not tired...:( I went skiing this weekend and I bruised my pride...Liverpool should have beaten Man U...I fear we will lose our 5th place rank...I'm listening to the BBC World Service on my radio...2005 is a great year! (at times)...why do people keep killing each other in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC)...that's not very democratic! Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction is a kick-ass PS2 game!! I just got it on Saturday!...If bananas and bread go bad after a week,what happens to apples?...I want to own the entire Seinfeld DVD box set one day! I also hope to own Season 1 of Little Britain whenever it comes out in the States...I steal, lie, cheat, and drink-please explain to me how I am supposed to be a role model!! (j/k) That's all, folks! |
And Fuck You Too!!!
Posted n Friday 21 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  drainedOK, listen up: This is what happens when you make a bet with your parents that you will stay off AOL/AIM/MSN for a week (7 days): Your friends all desert you, or fall in love with someone else. Well, fuck me, it'll never happen again! OK, so I've had a bit to drink tonight, and I'm *supposed* to be writing a 8 page paper for my Soc class, but.........I am incredibly pissed off right now! I feel like I have been betrayed! I am convinced that my best friend in all the world, James, is madly in love with some other girl, since he's been leaving loads of messages on her myspace profile, and signing them 'loads of love' 'love you loads' well you get the idea...this is DRIVING ME UP THE FUCKING WALL! I have had a crush on him since we first started talking over a year ago! At that time, he was single, and it has been a dream of mine that he would go out with me, but it has never happened. Now I understand why he IMed me last week to tell me that he just wanted to be friends with me, which is not enough. I want to be more than friends, always have, and by god, always will! I feel like nobody loves me or cares about me. The other guy I like won't even respond to my emails, and I know he's read them! No wonder James's letter hasn't come in the mail...he probably hasn't sent it! Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on Y O U!!! Oh yeah, and right now, I *DON'T* Like meeting people, I am quite happy with the very few friends I do have, or should I say, did have... |
I Don't Want to Live This Life...
Posted on Friday 21 Jan 200
| Current mood:  pissed offI want to die tonight Not one thing is going right I want to feel no pain Find a place where I can smile again I don't want to live I don't have anything to give I'm feeling a black void Where my heart was, but now its destroyed. There's nothing left for me No place I would rather be Everything is all fucked up anyway Maybe one day I will see The things that passed by me Maybe I won't be crying every day. I don't want to live this life I create a circle of pain and strife If this is what college is, then fuck it Its not what I thought it was at all. So now its time for me to make my big fall. |
Why I'm Angry at the World
Posted on Friday 21 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  crushedI am sick to death of being lied to, used, unappreciated, hurt, put down, told 'fuck off' to, etc etc... I don't deserve this kind of treatment! I am a pawn in *Nobody's* game! Got that? I have always tried to be nice, tried to see beyond the hurt, pain, anger, jealousy (okay, maybe not the jealousy) that people have caused me, even tho ppl have lied to me, used me, hurt me, and stuff, I still try to be nice to them, I still want to be their friend (okay, not *all* of them) but I don't get it. Why am I like that? Why is it that when I've been nothing but nice to people, I get slapped in the face, pissed on, pushed away? I must be a moron or something, because I don't understand that side of human nature at all. And I know I've said it before, and its not in my nature to be bitter, spiteful, angry, and hateful towards another person, I feel like I need to close myself off to everyone, not let anyone in, because to me, that's the only way I can deal with people without letting my emotions get involved which they always end up being... I don't know. I'm so confused right now about so many things...any advice would be GREATLY appreciated! |
Disssssssssney World!!!
Posted on Monday 31 Jan 2005
| Current mood:  contentOK, so I just got back from Disney World yesterday afterrnoon, after our flight from Orlando had been delayed an hour...fun fun fun...anyways, I of course got sick the night before we were supposed to leave (lack of sleep due to internet addiction) so by the time we got there, I was pretty tired and had a sore throat. We stayed at the Polynesian resort. It's supposed to be like a Hawaiin thing, with lots of waterfalls (yes, waterfalls indoors, I tell you!) and a Hawaiin theme throughout, totem poles, lots of brown and orange colours, and tropical names like Tahiti for the different places that you could stay. They had an awesome game room tho, until 3 of the fucking machines didn't register the quarters i put in them (I was very mad about that!) OK, on the first day, Thursday, we got our tickets sorted and dropped off all our stuff at the room, then we took the monorail (like a fast above-ground subway) to the Magic Kingdom. I was suprised how the lines for the rides were very manageable. On some of them, we could just walk right on! It was soo cool! We rode on Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribbean, The Haunted Mansion (with all the funny gravestones in front! My dad brought the video camera and actually recorded us on the rides...it was well cool, i can't wait to see it!) and we rode a few other rides that i can't remember...Oh yeah we went to Main Street at Magic Kingdom and had lunch there. We went to Epcot later that day, but we were really bummed to find the Body Wars ride that we all love was closed. Then we had a 7.20pm dinner reservation at the Living Seas restaurant, that has a huge floor-to-ceiling fish tank with loads of fish and even some sharks! The dinner was the best I've had in a very long time! I don't remember a lot else that we did after that except that I started feeling really tired and rotten as the sun was setting, and it got a lot cooler and windy and I was about to collapse. So we went back to the hotel and went to bed early. I don't think I've gotten to sleep so quick before in my life! The next day, my dad and brother went to Epcot while my mom stayed in the hotel room with me cos i was feeling bad and she wasn't feeling good herself. So I got up with the rest of my family, took a shower (I think) ate something, probably a pastry, for breakfast, then later went back to sleep for like an hour and woke up feeling a lot better and had energy and was ready to face the day! So in the afternoon my dad and Will (my lil bro) came back and we all went over to Epcot and rode on the Test Track ride which was really cool, its where you test out a car on a track and put it thru its paces, hot, cold, bumpy terrain, and rain (cos it was raining a bit)! We also went on the Buzz Lightyear ride, and the Mission to Mars ride that my dad and Will had been on earlier, it was soooo cool! It looks like you're taking off in this big spaceship, you look straight up and when you blast off, the g-forces are really realistic and pulls you back down...way cool! My mom chickened out, but then so did this one lady's husband next to us. Then we went to the Norway part of the World Showcase which was an area at Epcot that was designed to look like other countries from around the world. Each country had its own restaurant and gift shop, and the people that worked there were from the country as well, and wore the traditional native dress of the country. So we went to the Norway ride and ate dinner at the restaurant. To ease our boredom while we waited for our food, my brother and I played hang-man and tic-tac-toe. I love it when we do that, its so fun. We were finishing after dinner when I revealed my word, which was a phrase that read 'Hot Norse Waiter' and of course at that moment our waiter came back and was taking my brother's plate and the paper with the phrase was facing him, and I about died of embarrassment....I was giggling...but luckily he didn't see it. Shame, tho, cos i wanted to see what his reaction was... Oh yeah, and I had a Norwegian Coffee, which, for those of you that don't know, is a mixture of Bailey's Irish Cream, black coffee, and a liqueur. Yummy! On Saturday I was feeling much better and we went back to Magic Kingdom to ride on Space Mountain, which we ran out of time to do earlier. So we get there and they've shut it down to work on it. So we get a fastpass to the Buzz Lightyear ride again cos everyone liked it but me, I thought it was okay. After that, we had some ice cream and went on to the Buzz Lightyear ride. Later, we rode on Space Mountain and it was way cool cos there was hardly any line and I got to ride up in the front seat, cos no one else wanted to, they were all scared, ha ha! I wasn't scared, but it was fun not being able to see the track so you didn't know where you were going next. Later, we went over to the Great Britain area and had a pint, (well it was a large cup) and I got my first ever Guinness from the tap, which is, as they say, much better than the bottle...its a lot less thick and strong...best drank cold tho..to avoid disappointment...I saw some cool stuff there but didn't buy anything cos I figured I could buy much cooler stuff when I'm over there next for cheaper anyway... We ate dinner at the Deutschland restaurant, the Biergarten. It was fun. The food was really good, and there was a vast array to choose from. I got seconds! And somehow managed to have room for desert! German Chocolate cake-yummy!! Well this is getting really long so I'm gonna end it now but I'll post more later and tell you about my great Swedish adventure that happened on Saturday night..it may go down as the most exciting and wild Saturday night I've ever had!
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Some people can be very rude...
Posted on Thursday 03 Feb 2005
| Current mood: mischievousWhat is it with people these days? I must really need to get my head checked or something because just when I think I understand people, some fucking cunt has to come along and fuck things up! Well, she thinks she's fucked things up, so i can't let her know that i really don't give a fuck what she says, does, etc. I must not understand people too well...other than to know from experience that the world is full of a million assholes and just a few good people, i've found a few good ones i plan to keep, and there's nothing no fucker can do about it. so there! Thinks she's so smart cos she loves my boy...well he isn't mine but he sure as hell isn't hers! If she wants to go out with him, well, that's fine with me, i got the one i love and i don't need anyone else. She thinks she can scare me with her words, well they're only words on a computer screen, they're no threat to me. Nobody fucks with me and gets away with it! Fuck with me, and I'll fuck with you.
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The Army of Anarchy!!!
Posted Saturday 05 Feb 2005
| Current mood: creativeWe are the Army of Anarchy And we will have our say! And if you don't like it You can fucking go away! We live our lives without a care Do what we want, do what we dare The rules of society don't apply We do what we want or you'll hear our cry! We are the Army of Anarchy We're marching down the street today We'll do what we want for as long as we want And if you don't like it, you can fucking go away!
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I'll Never Fall in Love Again...
Written Tuesday 08 Feb 2005
| Current mood: crushed This heart will never love again A door of steel has closed it up I once was young and foolish But now i'm growing up This heart will know no more pain Only the sadness of the rain But that's better than any love that could be gained From living in a dream. I finally understand And admit its true that I really don't get love Maybe that's why I'm so blue. Just when I thought things were going great The devil had to deal me a blow that was too much to take And now here I sit Sad and alone There's no place in this world For me anymore.
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Rap Song...hehe
Posted Friday 18 Feb 2005
| We’ve had some fun times We’ve had some fine times But those are in the back of my mind times I have a right to hate I can sit here and think that I wish u were dead And there’s not a fucking thing u can do about it Now that’s called liberation U better understand it Cos we don’t need no citizen consent To do wat we want and be wat we be If u don’t like it, u can fuck off, u don’t have to know me I can sit here and hate Till the sun falls from the sky I can sit here and hate you Thru the tears that I cry There’s nothing that u can do I can think what I want about you You can take your fuckin’ rules, and shove them up your ass I don’t need friends, Friends only hurt me They try to change me Sort me, rearrange me I don’t change for no one |
Falling
[18 Feb 2005 | Friday]
| I am falling Down, down into the nothingness that is my life. What used to be fun is not. What is fun? I can’t remember. How it used to be I am not sure. What is happening to me Inside where I feel everything? My heart is hard and filled with hate. My soul has stopped searching For what I used to be. I fight the truth, And side with the lies that dominate my life. I do not feel sorry or guilty any more About telling them. I am no more What I used to be. I am the devil in disguise. God doesn’t help me, I can no longer depend on Him To tell me what to do. I have forgotten what is right and what is wrong Or I just don’t care anymore. You must understand That I am a different person, Not the one you knew, No. I am changed For the better or the worse I cannot tell. This depression drags me down, down Into the depths of insanity, And I am falling, Falling far from everything that was. Constant fighting is tearing me apart, I am two-sided: One is good, and one is evil. The good side tries hard to conquer the bad. But it is fighting a losing battle, Because I am falling. I am alone, In my own world Of sorrow and jealousy and self-pity So lost I cannot see the light. What is the light anyway? I think the bulb is out. I am falling, Fast, hard, quietly Into the death I have so longed for. Now my body is pure And I am reborn. (Good-bye cruel world, hello new life!) |
Death
Posted on Friday 18 Feb 2005
| I feel like taking my own life There’s not a reason in the world why I should be alive. My life is out of control And all I’m going is down in a hole Everyone is changing, nothing stays the same Maybe I should dye my hair and change my name . All the guys I like have all got girls of their own That must be the reason why I feel so alone I don’t fit in anywhere I go And the riptide is strong if you go with the flow I hate this life Why was I born? To live upon this earth And mourn, mourn, mourn. |
Headche Song
Posted on Friday 18 Feb 2005
| 1.Sometimes I cry, I sit and weep. Hoping that I Might drink myself to sleep. Oh I don’t know What the hell I’m doing here. 2.Soft as a dream You come to me Showing me things I cannot see. And then you go And I’m left here alone. 3.there’s no truth to be learned, no moral in this song it’s just about the things that I’ve got going on don’t dream your life away or get hooked by the strong |
The Most Beautiful Song in the World
Posted Friday 18 Feb 2005
| The Most Beautiful Song in the World © 2004 Gold Heart/MKH Music, Inc. All rights reserved. 1) If you’re sad and feeling blue I am always here for you. If you don’t know what to do I will never be untrue. 2) Don’t know what’s happening to me I used to be happy and free But I lost it all, you see And I’m dying in my own company. 3) Dry those tears from your eyes Now is not time for goodbyes Please don’t shed another tear Please don’t say the end is near 4) I am lost, I cannot hide From the truth, I must abide In my room, and in my soul Though my heart I fear has grown cold.
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What About Me?
Written 18 Feb 2005
| What About Me? © 2003 MKH/Gold Heart Music, Inc. 1) Darkness falls slowly Leaving me lonely Everyone has some one to talk to Or so it seems 2) Mad with illusion I run thru delusion Am I only happy In my dreams? Chorus: And when you see me What do you see? A quiet loner Is that really me? Don’t you care Or is it just me? Wishful thinking Can never set me free. 3) I feel like screaming Do you notice me? Or am I dreaming Hoping you will see 4) You can talk Yeah you can talk to me And I will listen And I won’t charge a fee Chorus End This song is dedicated to David Gray, without whose inspiration it would not have been written. Thank you. December 7, 2003 10:43pm |
The Fallout
Written Friday 18 Feb 2005
| Current mood: exhaustedI’ve been in and out of consciousness I’ve been sleeping my time away I’ve been trying to forget you But your image still remains. I don’t know what to do anymore Should I stay or should I go? If I stay with you will I think what could have been? And accept that I may never know? Everybody tells me that we’re all the same But I think that love is just a petty game Something to believe in, then it lets you down You’re happy one minute, then you’re on the ground.
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