Falling

[18 Feb 2005 | Friday]

I am falling Down, down into the nothingness that is my life. What used to be fun is not. What is fun? I can’t remember. How it used to be I am not sure. What is happening to me Inside where I feel everything? My heart is hard and filled with hate. My soul has stopped searching For what I used to be. I fight the truth, And side with the lies that dominate my life. I do not feel sorry or guilty any more About telling them. I am no more What I used to be. I am the devil in disguise. God doesn’t help me, I can no longer depend on Him To tell me what to do. I have forgotten what is right and what is wrong Or I just don’t care anymore. You must understand That I am a different person, Not the one you knew, No. I am changed For the better or the worse I cannot tell. This depression drags me down, down Into the depths of insanity, And I am falling, Falling far from everything that was. Constant fighting is tearing me apart, I am two-sided: One is good, and one is evil. The good side tries hard to conquer the bad. But it is fighting a losing battle, Because I am falling. I am alone, In my own world Of sorrow and jealousy and self-pity So lost I cannot see the light. What is the light anyway? I think the bulb is out. I am falling, Fast, hard, quietly Into the death I have so longed for. Now my body is pure And I am reborn. (Good-bye cruel world, hello new life!)