08 Oct 08 Wednesday
| Current mood:  contemplative Category: Life I've been doing some thinking the past few hours, and I've come to several underlying reasons why I want a puppy. One, I want to show my parents that I can be responsible and mature enough to take care of a puppy (you know, the old 'I'll prove to my parents that I'm responsible so they'll let me keep the puppy, etc') Two, I think it stems from me wanting something to love me, b/c I've had bad luck with guys lately, and dogs love you unconditionally. Third, I want something to take care of that will depend on me and love me. ♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺ My mum said I could get a puppy if I moved out, but she doesn't want me to live on my own; she wants me to find a girl to move in with; she doesn't want me to move in with a guy...so I feel like it's a bit of a double-edged sword. My parents bought the lift and bigger tires for my Jeep, yet they don't want me going up to Uwharrie to test it out b/c they worry I'll get hurt or something. They live under the 'as long as you're living under our roof, you'll follow our rules' philosophy, which is very frustrating when you're 24 and you feel like you're being treated like a 10 year old. I can't do what I want because they won't like it, stuff like dye my hair funky colours, or smoke, hell, it even bothers them if I have more than 1 beer at night, or my mum will ask me what's goin on with my drinking if I have something to drink nearly every night for a week. It's all starting to get too much, and I want to say, alright, I'm tired of living like this, I don't want to live under your rules, so I'm leaving. Of course the thing is, I've got a great life, I just don't see it. I take advantage of so much stuff that it's only when I sit back and take a hard look at everything, I come to the conclusion that I've never really had to work hard for anything my entire life. My parents spoiled me when I was growing up, just as they spoiled my brother. I'm the oldest child, so I guess I got spoiled a little more. My parents felt bad that their parents were paying for their college, so they got jobs to help pay for it, or to pay some of it back. I'm not like that; I don't even think like that. I don't care enough about college; lately, I've had absolutely no drive to get any work done, so for the last 2 weekends in a row, I've been slacking off and just not motivated to do homework. As a result, I've been losing sleep and turning things in late and not finishing midterm exams and being half an hour late for class for finishing a 4 page essay that was due at the beginning of class, but it's gonna be shit cos I just wrote it in an hour. ♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺♠♥♪☼☺ I also feel that everyone in my family has something they enjoy outside of school or work: my dad has coaching my brother's baseball team, my brother has wrestling, and my mum, well, she has volunteering at the church gift shop and at my brother's school. But I don't really have anything meaningful. Sure, playing video games and surfing the web is nice and all, but I haven't got anything to show for it really. Of all the things I've done in my life, I miss showing Jack Russells the most. Only I don't have a dog to show; Chance is 11, had to be neutered due to his aggression, which did nothing to stop it, and as a result I couldn't show him anymore, at least not in the classes I wanted to. Well anyway im gonna stop this here and finish watching the debates.
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