My Heroes

[07 Jan 2006 | Saturday]

My Heroes Current mood: contemplative Category: Life Well, first of all, nearly all of my heroes are dead. And second of all, taking this course on the Beat Generation this month, really has me thinking what I want to get out of life, and more importantly, what I want to do with my life. My heroes consist of Jack Kerouac and the Beats, Bob Dylan, Lenny Bruce, John Lydon, and other than I'm forgetting, but really anyone who was not afraid to voice their opinion and go against the status quo in their day. So what do I want out of life, you ask. Well, first and foremost, I want to be happy. I want to be content with who I am and what I have in my life. I want to travel around the world and gain worldly knowledge, and material to write about. I also want to be a musician and try to make it big, even if it's just being big in a local bar somewhere. I want a free-from-responsibilities type of life, no steady job, where I can pick up and travel where I want to when I want, and the consequences be damned. I know someone now who is doing just that, he's saved his money and he's now travelling around the world, meeting people and going to new and exciting places. I am in awe of him. I have been trying for 4 years now to get back over to London, and I'm beginning to think it's a lost cause at this point. But what I'm really getting at in this post is that I've been doing some deep thinking lately about my heroes, and I've come to the realisation that while many people aspire to be successful in life, and model themselves after the hardworking Americans whose names have become household, all my heroes never finished or dropped out of college, some didn't even have any formal education, and they were great. The heroes for me are the theives, the conmen, the street hustlers, poets and writers who never had steady employment, who drifted from place to place, and travelled around exploring our great nation, who hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking on tenement roofs, contemplating jazz. My heroes are the ones who sat up talking and writing all night, excited by being alive, the ones who at 3am stumbled upon a great riff or chord sequence on the guitar and followed it, regardless of what time it was. These are the ones who drive away into the great American night in stolen cars, bopping their way across the continent, and then writing it all down in a book. These are the people for me, these are the ones I want to emulate. These are my heroes, they have been, and they always will be. I too am a restless soul, I too am often not satisfied with where I am, and long to be someplace else, be it far or near. So why should I bother with college? I don't like it, my best friend's going to London, the very place I've been dying to go to, oh God why couldn't she have picked anywhere else but that great holy city that I've built up so much in my daydreaming that it's sure to let me down. Not everyone's cut out for college, and it's apparent that no matter what, I can't seem to manage my time here, and in all likelihood I'll have to move back home where my parents can keep a close eye on me and make sure I'm not sleeping till 2pm or noon, and that I'm getting to bed well before 4 or 5am, and keep me off the computer for long periods of time, as they so love to do. A few of my fears: what if at age 40 I'm stilll living at home because I never learned to manage my time effectively and get my work done and turned in on time? I mean, you're supposed to learn this stuff in college, right, so that after you graduate, when you move out and into your own life, you are prepared to function successfully on your own. Oh I don't know where this is all going right now. So I'll end it. But I'll write more if something else comes to mind that helps better explain where my mind is at right now... Currently reading: On the Road By Jack Kerouac Release date: January, 1991