It's complicated

Well this morning I found out that someone I have had a crush on for nearly a year now has a girlfriend he's been with for the last 3 months...which explains a lot of things; namely, the reason why he hasn't been returning my texts for the last 3 months...

I met him at Liverpool last November, at a pub called the Albert after the match where we drew against Fulham 0-0. I was there with Martin, whom I had just met in London the day before after we had been talking online for 3 months.

At the time Owen and I met, I wasn't going out with anyone, so I was free and single and so was he. However, shortly after we met, I started dating Martin, and Owen told me last May when I met up with him again in Dublin, his hometown, that even if I didn't have a b/f, he wasn't looking for a relationship, as he had his mind on other things, like moving around the world, living in different countries. He moved to South Africa for several weeks in early June and I hadn't heard from him since late June, when he said I was welcome to come visit him there.

Now he tells me he's living with some girl in New Zealand and she wouldn't be too impressed if I came for a visit. See, this is what I hate. When girls come into the picture, and get between me and the guy I love (or lust after)...it just angers me so much and frustrates me.

Don't get me wrong--I have great memories from Dublin, and I was hoping to repeat them the next time I'm there, hopefully coinciding with the next time Owen returns home for a while.

But with my luck, he'll be bringing this girl with him, and I won't be welcome any longer. Which is a real shame b/c I was hoping he or his dad could help me get a job at the Dublin newspaper his dad works for. Oh well. Such is life I suppose. Must be why I have never been happy with my life....and always only wanting what I can't have...who knows maybe I'll never learn...maybe it's too late for me to change...which brings me to another topic--change. I hate change in nearly every form, even if it's for the good or betterment of something.