Conflicting emotions

06 Nov 08 Thursday

Current mood: numb Category: Romance and Relationships Well I found out last night that someone I hadn't wanted to talk to b/c he is engaged, is not engaged. So I should be happy about that, right? Well, I am, but I also found out this morning that someone else I care deeply about is engaged, when I had thought that he wasn't. I guess it makes sense, as he has a baby on the way, but I hate it all the same. It makes me sad because I know once the baby is born, he won't have time for me anymore, and he's already gone from being pissed off with his g/f for being pregnant and not telling him, to happy that he's gonna be a father. He's already picked out a crib and a football outfit for his kid, and I can't stand it. I'm not jealous, at least I don't think I am, but I am angry about it. When I found out he was engaged this morning, it put me in a really bad mood and now that I'm thinking about it again, I'm in a bad mood again. Add to that the dream I had the other night, about a guy I really loved who broke my heart. I thought I was over him, but I've been thinking about him lately, every time I watch a Liverpool match, and wonder what he's doing now. I suppose I could call him but I doubt if he'd answer, as he's blocked me from contacting him on myspace and he might say something rude to me if I was to call. Anyway, the dream I had we were talking on MSN like we used to, only he was drunk and at a party and had a webcam on, and it was really awkward talking to him b/c I didn't want to come across as desperate, so I was having to choose my words carefully. I guess that's my mind's way of dealing with things. I look around my school campus and I see all these happy couples, and people who know each other and say hi as they walk by, and I so wish that would happen to me, people would recognise me and talk to me, but no, I'm just a loner, an outcast. Everyone has someone to love except for me. And I am lonely. **Edited to add: I just found out the guy who broke my heart is engaged...wonderful. I sent him a message on facebook but I doubt he will reply. He will probably even block me on there, but oh well.